togra: me in truck (Default)
posted by [personal profile] togra at 10:10pm on 20/06/2011
So, There are only a few people that actually read this or even can. I don't use this site much, but for a place to put a few thoughts and feelings it is going to work for now. No where else to place them.

I am going to be a dad.... again.... this time it's mine. I am happy for that. A little unplanned but whatever, I seem to be good at rolling with things in my life. However, at the same time, I'm not happy.

Oh yea, it was also so great to hear from most everybody I know say...rather the first thing they said was... is it yours??..... really???? Don't you think I thought about that.....

I have no family or friends around me. Well, some family, that I hardly know. My mom and brother, the only family I have had my entire life is no where near me. It was my choice to move to florida. I love it here. But, when my baby is born... He/she will not know my family. I do not make the money to go home and see them. Maybe one day I will, but for now, I don't.

When I'm in the hospital with my baby about to be born. I will be there alone. Her family will be there. So in essence, I fucked myself moving here but whatever. Such is life.

Currently, I drive over the road.... I have heard from a few people that I may just well have to stay here to support my family. Great, so not only do I get to deal with all the shit from my past, but I get to spend so many days away from what is finally my child. Nope, not some screwed up woman taking the kid from me when she wants, Get to do it to myself. Miss holidays, birthdays and whatever else. Well i say fuck that. Get rid of the damn car and live off the system like every other damn lazy ass person with 5 kids. This is bullshit. I do nothing but work and have been through hell. We all have in our own way. Well not anymore. I'm not staying out here to miss everything.

Every time I get to feeling happy about all this something brings it down. I'm already Scared shitless about alot of things. And none of them are things a first time dad should be scared of. So to the world I say FUCK IT I quit! Why try so hard to do whats right when you get screwed in one way or another.

Welcome to a day in my life. It gets better every moment.

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